If you are a very shy person, then in life you probably often encounter various difficulties. It doesn’t matter if you are a shy guy, a man or a girl - sometimes any shy person is very difficult. That is why the question may be relevant for you: how not to be shy? Further, we will focus on this.
“I am shy” - this is not fate, not inevitability and not a sentence. Firstly, they are not born shy. They become during the course of life. Various situations in which a person turns out to be shy are facilitated, and how he reacted to these situations, how he behaved, what decisions he made and conclusions, what emotions and conditions he experienced and fixed, which, as a result, he began to fear or avoid, and how else did he record these episodes mentally (that is, the mind).
Of course, a person does not remember many episodes of his past, and the mental components connected with them may simply not be realized. But all the information about every moment of the past and about any mental material is stored in his subconscious. This information, no matter how long it may be, subconsciously has the most direct impact on how a person is today, how he thinks, acts, reacts, and emotions. Ultimately, a person’s past and mental material accumulated by him can determine the existence of whole personality problems, including shyness.
How to stop being shy? To do this, you need to free yourself from mental material accumulated during life, remove the “charge” from episodes of the past in which this material was formed. Then the influence of the past will disappear, and all the problems that it supported and nourished, including shyness, will disappear.
Will help in this matter elaboration of the subconscious. The subconscious mind is good because, using it, you can get to any episode of your past, including from the deepest childhood (all information about the past, as I said, is stored in the subconscious). Another very positive point is that we can control our subconscious. I don’t know what are the limits of the subconscious, but what it can do above all praise is to process any episodes of the past so that they no longer affect us - namely, to deprive them of the emotional and mental coloring that we give them (that the very “charge” that I mentioned above), and get rid of all the fears, fears, prohibitions and other mental limiting nonsense that these episodes left in us.
The development process itself is quite simple and does not require much time from you. There is a whole set of special instructions, each of which performs a specific task of working out the past and mental material. You just read these instructions and “start” - your subconscious mind is included in the work, and you return to your business, no longer distracted by anything. Seriously working on yourself in this way, you will gradually become more and more freed from the influence of your past. Everything that once formed your shyness will completely disappear with time, and after all this rubbish, shyness itself will disappear. After which confusion may even arise from the fact that it even existed. :))
The above instructions for the subconscious are integrated into a holistic system for working on yourself, which is called Turbo Gopher. The book of Dmitry Leushkin “Turb Gopher. How to stop fucking your brain and start living ” with a description of the system you can download for free from our website:
Even if you are a very shy guy, or a man, or a girl, working out the subconscious using the Turbo-Gopher technique will help you stop being like that. With serious and deliberate work on yourself, one day you simply will not turn your tongue to say about yourself: "I am a shy person."
Good luck and you say goodbye to yourself shy! :)
If you want to have a real friend, you yourself have to be like that. What does it mean? You need to look at yourself through the eyes of another person and give yourself honest self-esteem. This includes an analysis of their strengths and weaknesses. Indeed, real friendship is the ability to give, not to take, and, first of all, not materially, but emotionally. You can ask yourself questions: "How will communication with me enrich another person? What qualities of character will be unpleasant for him?" Before making friends with a person, most often you need to adjust something in your behavior. After all, if someone is greedy, prone to gossip, constantly dissatisfied with life or proud, then the chances of getting close to someone are very low.
On the other hand, those who suffer from shyness or a sense of worthlessness are usually afraid to make friends, because they believe that they are not interesting to anyone. But objectively reflecting on their merits and talents, they will be able to raise self-esteem. Otherwise, they simply will not be able to make friends with anyone, it will be difficult to surround themselves with new people.
This is no less important than the inner world. Nobody canceled the axiom that they are greeted by clothes, and this must be taken into account, especially if the person who wanted to meet sees us for the first time. Clothing should be neat, shoes should be clean, and hair should be washed and well-groomed.
Bad breath, sweat, dirty nails and cigarette smoke (it’s not worth talking about fumes) immediately give out an outspoken slut and close the door to further communication.
How to make friends with a person: manners
A decent appearance with a smile in addition will do their good job. Also during the conversation you need to maintain eye contact, because if you hide your eyes, look at your feet, this will act as a signal of insincerity. True, one should not look at a person so that he would not feel embarrassed.
Also, the tendency to interrupt or speak in a condescending tone will not play into the hands of someone who is looking for new acquaintances. A know-it-all, constantly emphasizing the ignorance of others, - this is certainly not the one with whom you want to make friends. By another person it will be regarded as rudeness. Anyone who can constantly tease others often thinks that he has a wonderful sense of humor, in fact, very offends and hurts others. There are those who live by the principle "There are only two opinions - mine and wrong." Therefore, they will certainly impose it on everyone and everyone, and this is an open bad manners.
How to make friends: the first step towards
It is not easy. Immediately questions arise such as “What if nothing happens?”, “Would he (she) think that I am harassing people?”.
When it comes to a complete stranger, say, at a bus stop, in transport or in a line, you can inadvertently throw a phrase, for example, about the stuffiness in a minibus, the length of the line, or good weather. If he supports the conversation, then we can continue in the same spirit. It is better to take topics for discussion neutral, to avoid issues of politics, racism. The main thing to remember: such unobtrusive communication does not oblige you to anything, you can stop it at any time. But, on the other hand, if the conversation “hooks” both, then you can get a new interesting acquaintance.
The same goes for housemates, employees at work, mothers with strollers in the yard - all those who have to see each day, but haven’t had time to talk. The purpose of any such conversation is to find common interests. If both people like each other, then their acquaintance with time can develop into a strong friendship. As you can see, there is nothing complicated in the question of how to make friends with a person.
To know how to make friends with the right people, you do not need to be the most sociable in the world. It is enough to show genuine interest in others. Often people study or work together for years, but know almost nothing about each other. Simple everyday questions "How are you?" or "How was your weekend?" can become a bridge to further communication. You can try to start a conversation and determine by the person’s reaction whether he wants to devote others to his life or not. Of course, the first time a folding conversation may not come out. It is not nice to impose oneself, but you should not despair. A modest treat, a non-binding gift, SMS - this is not considered something grandiose, but it will make it clear to a person that he is not indifferent, they think about him.
Talking a lot is optional. Communication always involves dialogue, not a monologue. Therefore, even shy and not very talkative people can do it.
But the ability to listen is worth its weight in gold. During the conversation it is necessary to ask suggestive or clarifying questions. This will show the person that his opinion and feelings are very important for the interlocutor. He will understand that he can trust a new friend. When the interlocutor sees that they are not interrupting him, but are attentively listening to everything that he says, then he will be more inclined to entrust something hidden. Such conversations bring people together. After someone poured out the soul of another, they seem to have a common secret.
Help in practice
For a faithful friend, you can never do too much. And it is not necessary to wait for some kind of trouble in order to prove your affection. Fortunately, this may never happen, but in small difficulties it is also important not to remain indifferent. It happens that you need basic help around the house, for example, wash the windows or weed out the garden. A friend is unlikely to ask for this, so you need to take the initiative. Go shopping, take a queue in the clinic, take the child to kindergarten - such small services can be priceless. It is like small bricks from which a strong friendship wall is built.
Of course, if a misfortune happened in the life of a friend (death of relatives, divorce, fire), then the support of a loved one is often the only anchor of salvation. It’s not enough to just say: “If you need anything, contact.” This is the time for action. It is unlikely that a friend himself will ask for something - in difficult times, people tend to withdraw into themselves. Therefore, sometimes it is necessary to undertake the organization of the funeral, housework, and repairs. Such a banal thing, like cooking, can be an impossible task for an emotionally depressed person. Therefore, do not ask, but do it. Also, material assistance will not be superfluous.
In social networks
It has its own culture of communication, consisting of the number of likes, emojis and comments sent. True, a virtual friend will not always become real. In social networks, people are more relaxed and begin to communicate with strangers without problems, but here you first need to remain vigilant, because some dating on the Internet does not end with anything good.
But to find a like-minded person and quickly make friends with a person is not difficult at all - just "sit" on thematic forums or communities of interest. There, people are already set up for active communication, no need to come from afar. Adding to some community, the user as if says: "I want to make friends with a person who also loves, for example, Soviet films."
As can be seen from the foregoing, making a new acquaintance - in the virtual or real world - is not so difficult. But will this person become a close friend? Time will tell.
Gilmartin's study of this problem became possible thanks to a grant from the University of Auburn that was specially allocated for this in 1979. The study was conducted from 1979 to 1982, the book was published in 1987 by University Books. In 1989, Madison Books published an abridged version with an introduction by E. M. Gutman, then president of the Florida Psychological Society and chief psychiatrist at Mental Health Services, Orange County. Interest in the book subsided shortly after its publication, however, in the mid-nineties its discussion began in the relevant groups of users. According to Gilmartin, over the years he received many letters and messages from around the world. In 1995, the book was translated into Japanese, and Gilmartin visited Japan to promote it. In the 2000s, the book gained popularity again due to the publication of excerpts from it in the newsgroup alt.support.shyness on Angelfire, as well as the creation of relevant groups in Yahoo and Google. More readers found out about her thanks to a recommendation in Sue Johnson's book Sex, Sex, and More Sex.